Linda Vista (TCG Edition) by Tracy Letts

Author:Tracy Letts
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Theatre Communications Group
Published: 2020-02-15T00:00:00+00:00

Act Two

SCENE 1

Wheeler’s apartment.

Wheeler, Jules, and Minnie watch Barry Lyndon. Schubert, Trio in E-flat major, op. 100. Dry Michael Hordern narration. Pizza boxes, beer bottles.

Wheeler realizes both women are dozing. He stops the film.

WHEELER: All right, never mind.

JULES: What?! I’m watching!

WHEELER: You’re sleeping.

JULES: I’m totally watching the movie!

WHEELER: You’re snoring.

JULES: I’m breathing.

MINNIE: I’m sleeping, cause it’s fucking boring.

WHEELER: I warned you it’s slow. It demands a 1975 attention span.

MINNIE: It’s been on for about eight hours.

WHEELER: As soon as I put it on, I thought, “Barry Lyndon is not the best Kubrick movie you could lead with.” I should’ve started you out on Dr. Strangelove or even Full Metal Jacket.

MINNIE: Good plan, Vietnamese girls love Full Metal Jacket.

JULES: I’m sorry, I had an early morning.

WHEELER: Stop apologizing to me.

JULES: It was just a pizza coma, I’m awake now, start from the intermission.

MINNIE: You know your movie’s too long when you have to take an intermission. Don’t get me wrong, that was my favorite part.

JULES: It’s so beautiful, the photography and the costumes.

WHEELER: Thank you. Minnie, did you like the pretty pictures?

MINNIE: Who cares? That guy is a douche rocket.

JULES: His opportunism is complex, right? At that time, rising in the social ranks just wasn’t possible.

MINNIE: I really don’t care about that. This pizza is fucking soggy.

JULES (To Wheeler): Don’t you think so? Why do you like it so much?

WHEELER: Y’know, to be honest, I might be with Minnie on this, I haven’t seen it in a long time and I’m sitting here thinking, “What the hell is this movie about?”

MINNIE: It’s fucking boring. Movies are boring, they’re all so fake. Actors look so stupid when they’re crying and screaming at each other. Why should I care about somebody else’s phony story? God, this pizza is making me sick.

JULES: We project our own lives onto the story. We think about how we might behave in a set of circumstances.

MINNIE: That’s so great that you pretend you’re English aristocrats from another century but I don’t actually see myself as any of these people. And I don’t want to. And I don’t think that’s why this man made this movie. I think he was just showing off.

Oooo, look out, people, I need to take a dump.

WHEELER: Nice.

(Minnie grabs a magazine, exits.)

JULES: Sorry I closed my eyes, we just can’t start movies after—

WHEELER: Please, please stop apologizing to me.

JULES: Sorry, it’s a holdover from my last boyfriend, he had a way of making me feel like I was always screwing up.

WHEELER: That guy was a knob.

JULES: He was a dumb boy. I got me a man now.

(They kiss.)

I really wanted to fool around tonight.

WHEELER: Why didn’t you say so? I would’ve come to your place.

JULES: We should’ve, we could’ve gotten into my big bathtub.

WHEELER: I have to say, I am not a fan of doing it in the bathtub.

JULES: It’s romantic!

WHEELER: It has some practical difficulties. I’m not a fan of fucking in the tub or the shower or the pool or the ocean. Or water, I could’ve just said water.

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